everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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