I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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