I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
