totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
