While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
