I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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