Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
