stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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