yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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