if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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