Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
