I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
