Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
