I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
