He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
