I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Found the puke drawer
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
