Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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