Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I have aggressive nipples.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
