I am puke
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
