I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Apparently you make a good broom.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
