in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I feel great
I just peed on a car
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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