Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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