I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
i need to put some appletini on your dick
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
