we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
