i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm bleeding and have questions
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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