I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
the raccoons are back...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
