this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
