i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
