The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
