He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
