He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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