No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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