Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
