I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We don't watch enough power rangers
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
don't judge my taste in strippers
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
