Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
