I cockslap morals
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
