the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
