Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
