I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
