I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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