If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
