I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
