spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
