im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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