So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize