i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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