I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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