I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
