Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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