evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I am mentally ready for anal.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
