And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
