Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Randomize
