dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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