Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
you told grandpa to call you daddy
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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