I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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