My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
