You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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