the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
