He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
