she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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