Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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