i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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