i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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