Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
