You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
