I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
