Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
