my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
